when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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