Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
