if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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