Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
