well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
should my penis look like a turkey
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
