I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
