you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
pray to the hookup gods
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can feel your judgement through the phone
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
