he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize