OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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