Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All the doctor said was why
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
