I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
