It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
