We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
