6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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