My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
