I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
