hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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