WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
