He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
