if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am midnight drunk by noon
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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