Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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