So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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