I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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