the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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