You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
