She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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