Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
