she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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