At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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