The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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