I wannas sexs uuuuu
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
