Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize