Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think I won the penis lottery.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
