he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
