Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
