dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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