I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
