Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
