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At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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