The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
