Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize