fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
