It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
