she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
