Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
