Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize