K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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