The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
