So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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