Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
