I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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