I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
