So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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