You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
