PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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