Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
