look no pants
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
