Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Randomize
