I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
