This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
