I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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