i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
