I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
