We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
