no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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