If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively