someone owes me an orgasm
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.