He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
