It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
