When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
