Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
