I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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