Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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