Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
