if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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