just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
